Perhaps in his forthcoming memoir, "The Art of the Schlemiel," President Donald Trump will explain why, since only he can fix things, the American Health Care Act, otherwise known as the Tumors Are Actually Quite Becoming Act, had the political lifespan of a mayfly.
Trump wasted no time doling out blame for the implosion of the Gushing Blood, What Gushing Blood? Act, as if it was mail call time at Parris Island....
In a court of law this would be undisputed prima facie evidence.
For it has been clearly demonstrated that federal appellate court Judge Neil Gorsuch is eminently qualified to become a justice on the U.S. Supreme Court, having survived a brutal grilling by the Senate Judiciary Committee in which the nominee had to defend his controversial positions on trout fishing, hiking, rodeos, riding sheep, basketball and the meaning of life. We can probably stipulate he thinks puppies are the cat's whiskers....
This could have the making of a Stephen King novel — The Shining meets Mommie Dearest, perhaps?
Or think of it this way: The next time your family Thanksgiving dinner turns into a food fight with anti-Trump/anti-Hillary invective complete with accusations of fascism, communism, Nazism, racism, anti-Semitism and whatchagotism hurling back and forth across the dinner table, just remember — it could be worse. ...
If Rick Scott has demonstrated anything, it is that just about anybody can get to be governor of Florida.
The people elected a hologram with little warmth. Then they did it a second time.
Little wonder all manner of aspirants are maneuvering to follow the C-3PO of Tallahassee into the Governor's Mansion. It's probably only a matter of time before Florida's swamp ape starts humming "Hail to the Governor."...
Only in the Potemkin Village meets Oz that is Washington would the prospect of 24 million people without health coverage be hailed as a landmark legislative success.
It seems former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin was right after all. There really is such a thing as a death panel. It's called Congress.
This is probably the inevitable result when laws are cooked up by a speaker of the House of Representatives who has treated the post as if he is president of the Ayn Rand Society....
It is axiomatic that when a politician claims they want to — everybody now — "spend more time with my family," what they are actually uttering is a code phrase for: "My electoral prospects for the future are about as likely to succeed as a winter snow ski resort in Key West."
Bob Buckhorn wants to spend more time with his family.
Tampa's mayor announced days ago he had decided to forgo the 2018 race for governor because the home fires were too irresistible to deny. Clearly puttering around the garden at his Davis Islands estate is arguably preferable to Tallahassee's governor's mansion....
Maybe now those namby-pamby whiners up in Flint, Mich., will stop kvetching about lead in their water supply. Grow up. Everybody understands this whole "lead in the water is bad for you" nonsense is a hoax perpetrated by a bunch of liberal do-gooder scientists.
Phffft! Folks with Ph.Ds in science. Please. They're just a cabal of showoffs. What do they know? Lead is actually good for you. It strengthens your bones....
We do quaint pretty well around here. The giant Gasparilla parade is quaint. We still have debutantes. The Florida State Fair is awfully Mayberryesque. And the Plant City Strawberry Festival is about as small town Americana as you can get.
We even have an old-fashioned rootin-tootin' trolley chirping its way from the Channel District to Ybor City. It's quaint, too.
It looks great, recalling a bygone era of streetcars serving the transportation needs of a growing city. And it is kind of fun to hop on board for a trip into Ybor City for an evening's entertainment. Very nice....
Well, it's begun again in Tallahassee, another session of the Florida Legislature. Or as it might otherwise be known, 60 days of stupefaction.
As you know, Tallahassee is an old Seminole word for "A check for me? Why yes, I'll have another."
And thus the session commenced with feuding egos Gov. Rick Scott and House Speaker Richard Corcoran, R-I Feel Petty, Oh So Petty, continuing to deliver raspberries at each other over a snit involving the future of Enterprise Florida and Visit Florida....
Do you face the morning with a sense of dread?
When you awaken with each new sunrise, c'mon admit it, is one of the first things to pop into your head "What did he do now?"
You're not alone, dearest reader. You are simply afflicted with a nagging case of Trumpsomnia.
There is no cure. The witching hour has become the twitching hour.
It was only last week that President Donald Trump announced the time for petty feuds of his own making was over, done, finished. Henceforth, or so the Churchill of the Potomac suggested, he would comport himself so hugely presidentially that he would make Ronald Reagan look like Boss Hogg of Hazzard County....
And a barren, poisoned tree of hate and stupidity grows in Thonotosassa.
Here's the sad thing. When you read about an attempt by some haft-witted trolls to burn down the Daarus Salaam Mosque in Thonotosassa days ago, you probably weren't surprised very much by an act of Islamophobia in our community.
We would like to think we're better than this. We would like to think we live in a place of tolerance and acceptance of other faiths, other cultures, other races, other beliefs....
Of this much we can be fairly certain. During his long career as a law enforcement officer, Curtis Reeves was an apt pupil. Less evident is whether he learned anything.
Reeves is facing trial on second-degree murder and aggravated battery charges in the shooting death of 43-year-old Chad Oulson during a senseless dispute over a cellphone while waiting for a movie to begin at the Cobb Grove 16 cinema in Wesley Chapel in January 2014....
There's a good reason why Sen. Marco Rubio has been harder to find than Amelia Earhart.
His feelings are hurt. Don't you feel just awful?
The Judge Crater of the Senate has been AWOL from his ungrateful constituents for quite a while. It seems the senator is annoyed that the legions of people demonstrating in front of his offices across the state — who are critical of repealing the Affordable Care Act, President Donald Trump's Muslim travel ban and a number of controversial Cabinet appointments — had the audacity to request a face-to-face meeting for Rubio to explain himself....
All the "So's your old lady!" bickering between Gov. Rick Scott and House Speaker Richard Corcoran makes for lousy government. But it sure is fun watching this Tallahassee pie fight between politically ambitious egos.
Sensing perhaps that Scott's lame duck light is beginning to flicker more brightly, Corcoran, R-I Love the Smell of the Governor's Mansion in the Morning, is challenging Scott over his pet projects, Enterprise Florida, which offers companies tax money if they relocate here and create jobs, and Visit Florida, which promotes tourism. The speaker sees them as needless, wasteful expenditures of precious taxpayer dollars....
I am absolutely convinced there is a vast, endless warehouse somewhere in Hillsborough County similar to the final scene in the Indiana Jones movie Raiders of the Lost Ark that is filled to capacity with decades of blueprints, studies, reports, analyses, models, plans and proposals to deal with the region's discombobulated, outmoded and ill-conceived transportation system.
This is Hillsborough County after all — where the future goes to die....